I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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