More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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