I didn't shave. On purpose
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
