Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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