just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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