No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
