totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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