I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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