i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
