One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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