she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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