Tell her she can't have a vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
