You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
