i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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