having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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