she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
