therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
