Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
