it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
