...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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