to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
