Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
