it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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