So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I could fuck to npr.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
