I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
