That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
