The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
