My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
