so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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