After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
