I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
