Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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