Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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