If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
