I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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