We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
