you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
