Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pooping to opera.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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