Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
