Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
