Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is the high leading the old right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
