Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
