i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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