I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
