U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
