Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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