I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
