I smell stomach acid.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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