peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
