why didn't you poke me back
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
