I puked a lego.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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