We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
