GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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