If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
