My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I just put wine in my tea
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
