cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
