Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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