If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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