I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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