How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
