Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found your dick twin last night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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