Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
