i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
