watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
