the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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