If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize