Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
