I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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