Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
