you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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