the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
