New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
