glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
